This is a wrap.
Time has passed quickly.
The Pentecost post is followed by the "end-of-the-year report".
I have not been writing much since spring. Or, I have been writing on my social media page and elsewhere.
Writing under an inspiration [of the Holy Spirit] is interesting and revelatory.
This is the year when God put me together from fragments.
And yes, I fell apart.
It did not happen yesterday. In fact, it happened quite some time ago. But as a result, I was in pieces.
God used one good Christian meeting. Clearly, it was not just good. It was extraordinary.
Also, my tooth fell apart. Which meant that I had to collect money to get it fixed. Or trust God to fix it. Sometimes He does such creative miracles. But I have also noticed that if there is a natural solution, He often lets us have this. So, as to the dental work, or one expensive implant, He has been using the natural means.
Again, He used the same abovementioned meeting. I made a decision to go there. Thus far I had been rather local and it took me a step further. I decided to go attend that one meeting, and immediately, next day, He opened the floodgates and turned the volume of my incoming work to the absolute maximum. [Now, interestingly enough, the flow stopped on the day I was blocked in social media. For no apparent reason at all. Possibly, for what had happened to me. It was of the Holy Spirit. But it might have caused some thoughts. But He used it as a pointer to get my attention, pointing at something I had buried and tried to ignore, telling myself that it was a dead end. - Now, there is a way to give things into His Hands. This wasn't it. It could have been likened to burying that one talent I was given. Or promised. So, a fix was needed, and He graciously provided it. But enough of this in a metaphorical talk, trying to shroud a mystery. For all does not have to be spoken about. Sufficient for me to understand the things pertaining to myself. But it affected my fellowship with the Holy Spirit and this, I desperately wanted and needed to be restored to its former closeness and glory.]
There was something I came to realise via writing when penning my thoughts under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. It brought a painful cycle of twenty years and then some, to a close.
Twenty years ago, I made a wrong step. It was rather fatal and came with its consequences.
It was also shameful that I fell prey to such thing. [It made me feel discounted, especially as a prophet. - A prophet would have seen it all coming. Sure. God made it so clear. Yet, I was also a woman. There were prophetic giftings which were misused for a personal profit. And quite like a young prophet who did everything right, until he met the old prophet who did not talk under the inspiration of God, and whose message contradicted the one the young prophet had received of God, I suffered from the consequences. Unlike the young prophet, I did not die. But I did come close.
I came from a spiritual background where we were taught not to seek help from anyone human, and deal with our issues on our own. So I tried. But I failed.
The faux pas or a wrong step I had taken had been haunting me at the back of my mind.
God had warned me against taking the step with a crystal clear open-eyed vision, ending with 1 John 4:1-3. There were three parts in the vision. The first one took me into the scene found in Kenneth E. Hagin's book on how to be led by the Holy Spirit.
[There was a husband, the father of quite a few children who refused to work and earn any..."for God had forbidden him to do so". When Kenneth E. Hagin was visiting the church which the family attended, their pastor asked him for help. Kenneth E. Hagin went to their home, and talked to the husband. He refused to budge. God [to his mind] had spoken, and this was it. He was adamant that God had forbidden him to go to work and earn for the upkeep of his family. The mother of the children who had a baby, was trying to do everything she could to earn some for feeding her children, and for bills. Church people had created laundry washing jobs and cleaning jobs to help the mother earn some. They had left bags with groceries at their doorstop, but it was all a stop-the-gap measure. The father refused to hear the sense, and held on to what he believed had come from the Holy Spirit. [A spoiler. It was not the Spirit of God.]]
Second scene of the vision showed a similar thing happening to me.
Third, and final scene showed the verses from 1 John 4:1-3 rolled out in front of my physical sight. [An open vision happens when a spiritual dimension opens up, and we can see into the spirit realm with our natural eyes open.]
That was the end of the vision.
The named person was a prophet.
He understood quickly that something was troubling me, and as a prophet, it did not take him long to see the cause of my hesitations.
He yelled.
I reacted as a woman [as opposed to a ministry gift, and there were still things which I did not know as well as I know today, but I had read "the revival killer" demonology book by Evan Roberts whom God used to spark and uphold the Welsh Revival, and God had been training me...but there was still a way to go to comprehend the happenings.
So, how does a woman react to yelling and prophetic misuse of gifts [which in my case made me also rather afraid, thinking that the man might have read my mind...and it was true, at least to a certain extent - four and half years later he confessed how he knew the things I had been praying out in spirit and interpreted and had not disclosed to a single human. "You fool! I am a prophet. I pulled the information out of your spirit. Easy for me." [He presented the information as if God had told him that, which added it a bit of a twist.]
1 Kings 13:11-25 tells the story about the old prophet [who lied, but survived] and the young one [who did everything God had told him to do, until he met the old prophet....who told him in verse 18 "He said unto him, I am a prophet also as thou art; and an angel spake unto me by the word of the Lord, saying, Bring him back with thee into thine house, that he may eat bread and drink water. But he lied unto him."]. And, for some reason [whether it was respect to the older and seemingly more experienced ministry gift or something else, the young prophet heeded to his words...and went and did the opposite what he had heard from God and knew he was supposed to do. He paid for this with his life ["20 And it came to pass, as they sat at the table, that the word of the Lord came unto the prophet that brought him back:
21 And he cried unto the man of God that came from Judah, saying, Thus saith the Lord, Forasmuch as thou hast disobeyed the mouth of the Lord, and hast not kept the commandment which the Lord thy God commanded thee,
22 But camest back, and hast eaten bread and drunk water in the place, of the which the Lord did say to thee, Eat no bread, and drink no water; thy carcase shall not come unto the sepulchre of thy fathers.
23 And it came to pass, after he had eaten bread, and after he had drunk, that he saddled for him the ass, to wit, for the prophet whom he had brought back.
24 And when he was gone, a lion met him by the way, and slew him: and his carcase was cast in the way, and the ass stood by it, the lion also stood by the carcase.]
A sobering story.
In my life, thankfully, there were only the lions in the spiritual sense. And yes, the experience tore me apart.
But what I could not personally understand was that the spiritual trauma and the fear that had struck me, once I understood what I was dealing with, coupled with my inability to flee and detach myself from the situation due to legal bounds, had made me tap in a reverse mode into the verses I had been shown as a warning. The verses from 1 John 4:1-3 were later constantly making me examine myself [which is only a godly thing to do, right!] and whatever pivotal things I was hearing in spirit regarding myself. They made me "test my spirit" which took me to a sinking sand. We are all made in His image. And after our salvation experience we have the Spirit of God.
But so did the man I had become involved with.
And his heart was not intentionally deceitful or evil.
[Yet there was something sinister which I quite could not figure out.]
[Some things he was adamant about could not have possibly originated from the Spirit of God. E.g. 1.5 months after the decisive step taken, he told me that God had forbid him to go to church, and as I and my daughter were supposed to submit to him, it applied to us as well. Now, it was easy to see that this did not come from the Spirit of God. So, I continued going to church. After all, it had been church connecting us. But after this decision of mine, he went on a walkabout and there were no tidings of him for an entire year which was the obligatory waiting period for the divorce in the NY State.]
{I tried to comprehend the [spiritual] mechanism which had taken him from a most authentic and drastic salvation experience in his kitchen where he had met Holy Spirit...to a different ground. I interceded a lot as an attempt to help turn the situation right. After all, I was a part of it, in the sense that it was also affecting me, and I tried to help rectify the situation by my intercession. These prayers must have not fallen on ground, I do believe. But I did not understand what had been happening and my ignorance was costly.}
In any way, this was the year when God put me wonderfully together from the fragments.
He did not just go twenty years back. He went all the way to the beginning of my adulthood, into my twentieth year and put every piece together in a fraction of a second.
So, that was neat.
By the end of the day, all that had happened to me as a result was simply a burn.
[I had stepped on the supernatural, as opposed to the Word - a RHEMA or spoken word, or in my instance the panoramic open-eyed vision warning me of the things to come, if I were to proceed and enter this door...and also the bad feeling which was within my spirit and made me desirous to flee...but as a woman, I had reacted to constant yelling and then to a bit of prophetic manipulation on top of it, and this made it difficult to see the reason of the bad feeling within - whether it was of the Spirit of God warning me against taking the step, or my own brokenness. Well, it was His Spirit giving me the red light while I ascribed it to my female moment of breakdown.]
I had chosen to look at it the way "the older prophet" had told me to do and succumbed to the thought that it was me as a woman behind this naggingly bad feeling within myself [as opposed to God warning me via His Spirit from proceeding] and I had stepped out on the supernatural. As a result, I had burned to the supernatural [and spiritual] which had thrown me into a frenzy of distrust. I heard and saw just all right. In fact, Holy Spirit had helped me learn for seven years how to discern His signals and leadings and promptings.
But similar to burning when it comes e.g. to love when we have to learn to trust again, I had burned to the supernatural and spiritual which simply made me test and try everything proceeding from this avenue over and over and over again, to just be sure. And it made me go into the overdrive. Clearly there was no need for such excessive testing and trying. And in a way we might even say that there was nothing so wrong about it, for it was ... biblical. Yet, a burn is a burn.
So, He put me together. He took Sovereignly every fragmented piece within me, and restored me inwardly within a split second. This is our God. And our Father.
Naturally, I was also concerned whether this detour might have made me miss Him and what He had told me about the things to come. Thankfully, He made it also clear that I was here, in His perfect will, for this time in my life. Which was also good news.
We know deep within, at the seat of our spirit what is what. But sometimes a little confirmation won't hurt. It makes things more tangible. A living touch of God ministers an additional dose of life and hope and future to us.
So, it has been a good year.
I have been moving slowly towards rebuilding my spirit, or strengthening it to its former glory.]. [And we all know that the glory of the latter house is bigger than the former one. Haggai 2:9.] God has also taken me this year to a glorious church with the best bible study one can wish [and thankfully, an audio volume is no longer a problem there - I had some hearing difficulties at my previous, and otherwise lovely, home church where I had history, which was nearby, and most importantly, which Holy Spirit pointed out as the most sustainable church option after my arrival to London during the first lockdown.
Remember the story of Job and how God gave him double for his trouble.
Darkness can be a daunting experience. But...He has laid us a table in the shadow of the valley of death, right in the presence of our enemies.
Darkness can make us also feel like king Nebuchadnezzar when he was reduced to nothing. It may make us ask some deeply existential questions, and naturally wonder whether we shall be fully restored and together again, or whether we have made a fatal mistake which had a potential to ruin everything to a point of no return. - Of course we know how the story of Nebuchadnezzar went and we also know that we are in a so much better situation. We also know how the hair of Samson grew and how God restored him to his former glory [although at the expense of his vision which was never restored. But he went on and completed his final defeat against the enemies]. But God takes us through the dark places. It is human to stumble, to pass wrong choices, to err and to rise again. And in these dark places we come in touch with our humanity. Remember the psalms of David, and how much anguish he experienced in his soul. But he overcame it with his worship. Worship is not just singing, though. It is an entire lifestyle in worshipful adoration while walking with God. And it can lift us higher from our dark dungeon the way it lifted Paul and Silas in their dark hour of testing. Later on, it can minister life and encouragement and freedom to the others in similar circumstances.
2 Corinthians 1:4-6
New International Version
4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.
Acts 16:25-27
New International Version
25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. 26 Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.
Psalm 23.
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