It has been a quiet start for another spring. And still another circle is coming to an end with me turning 53 next Wednesday. There have been busy times when I have nearly forgotten to give it a thought, but this time I am fully aware of the occasion. There is no great celebration this time - the big fifty needed one, and that fell away due to several reasons, and now I am just rolling with time.
My child (who is no longer so much of a child) has found her new job at the local uni which was the original reason we ended up in July 2008 in this relatively quiet city on the Southern coast of England). As nothing much seems to be happening in the city which seems to be enveloped in a permanent lull of its daily existence, day in day out - apart from the spiritual, we have been pinned down after the referendum result by the political events related to Brexit (as I wanted to move out as early as January 2013 and have been on a rolling tenancy contract since then - but it takes two to tango, especially as the rents in London and anywhere nearby are sky high...and as long as my daughter is employed here, there is no going anywhere yet - apart from her graduation which is at the end of July in London SOAS university, and the first one she is going to attend - out of her three degree courses here, one in the named local uni which has currently taken her workwise "under its wing" and where she is behind the exams, and graduations and award ceremonies, then there was an unfortunate year in Aberystwyth, Wales - unfortunate namely for the student support was not the best and so it had its certain consequences - and now, her last achievement at London, SOAS where she studied Violence, Conflict and Development and which was actually what she wanted to study in Wales....and which was advertised, until she had applied and then they suddenly withdrew the course and declared that it was a Sabbatical year and she could pick another course - so she ended up doing a degree in Security Studies instead of Development).
So, due to circumstances, my child has had a far more vibrant social life as she has been most of the time surrounded with many people, whether due to her work or studies....while I have found myself in a hiatus (which I have not honestly always enjoyed or understood, until recently, when I found out the cause behind that - on top of my daughter's studies, and work which has been somewhat holding me back from running with the vision, and truth to be told, rather isolated too for my work has kept me inside and the number of people who happen to find their way here has been pretty much limited by the letting agency, mailmen and delivery persons).
As I moved on when the local church leader settled down and found his (previously lost) will to live (which God upheld by talking to him audibly and then fulfilling His Word to him, just for he would have a crutch to hold him up and minister hope and future to him), I considered my role as pretty much over in this city. And so I tried out of inertia to find a decent local church which to attend regularly, but without a vehicle it was a vain attempt, and so I felt encouraged by Patricia King conference speakers in Torquay, Devon and rolled on....all the way to Chiswick in West London where I could happily go at least every Sunday, until my money lasted. Well, it still kept coming in, but there were disturbances and finally my daughter who had found her first permanent job (which could have easily been lost two years later with Theresa May's snap election, for this is how the politics is, one day at the top, next day with empty hands) returned back home and I could not rise from this place and move away, nearer to my church. Then Brexit happened (theoretically it has not happened yet, but certainly shall - opposite to the skepticism of many Brexiteer voters who have been quick to express their loud displeasure at every other turn and twist on the way) and it has kept me effectively with many of my fellow EU citizens in UK in a limbo, waiting it out, until we can finally find out what is happening and what is Brexit going to mean to us personally. Hence the sense of a lull with nothing much happening, apart from the political arena, with us keeping our eyes popped while rolling on with our daily mundane life. As it would be foolish to take any greater strides right now, before it shall be clear in which way we can move on, and into which compartment we shall fit by the end. Or, will we end up as misfits, with a need to move on and out of the country. Also that is not settled yet. Although I do not believe in any such drastic changes. Not involuntarily, at least. So, 9 more months to go. As to us, the clarity will arrive probably earlier. The March EU citizen registration system launch date did not happen as promised, so we shall find it all out in the autumn, or later at the end of the year, and then we can finally act based on that knowledge, and go and move which will take me closer to my church and I can resume my life as I knew it again. Or, hopefully, there will be a new thing (which Brexit will bring and mean, and in the absence of movement this, although fairly negative from our point of view - for who would want to have her rights restricted and her whole life turned upside down - I have quite come to appreciate the move it represents in an otherwise traditionally quiet lull of a life which is so characteristic to England and UK in general). I miss the city noise and voices and hustle-bustle which can so effectively give one at least an artificial sense of moving and life (and yes, I know it is all to be found in the Lord, when a believer, and I still wholeheartedly continue to trust in that and hold that opinion while the present episode in our life has numbed the feeling down and reduced the movement to minimum or nearly none - as it seems to be as if the stage in the Israelite journey in the wilderness where the pillar of fire and cloud of smoke rested and they were in to a settled and quiet season of contemplation and daily life, with nothing much happening goingwise).
But in a Christian life going is an intrinsic ingredient. And somewhere when the status quo lasts, the test of waiting can feel mind-numbing.
And yes, we are not led by our feelings. But we have them, and God created us with them, and they have every meaning and importance as well. And right now, there is little feeling, while the movement and its anticipation makes us feel alive. But the lack of it can be as if still life - or a limbo, which a good proportion of my 3 million fellow Europeans have been experiencing here in the valley of indecision, while waiting for their verdict, which at least helps make longer term plans again. Whether due to negative, or positive reasons. At least there shall be movement again in some direction, in the Brexit direction! And I cannot wait for it to happen, as it will help us get unstuck and on the go again, which currently neither I nor my daughter can effectively do, as her jobs in the field of international development will take her into "all the world" which as we know, Brexit and the European registration with all its newly applied limitations does not let her do. Not at least until we will find out what Brexit will mean to us, specifically. So, we have been in a season of wait, and still life where nothing much happens (call it a limbo if you will).
It all has made me like an arrow in the bow, withdrawn, but eager and ready to be released, and fly...
God has told me the end from the beginning. (He skipped the middle part, or the journey though - hence the wilderness experience. But seems that He who took His Son who lived his life on the earth as a man, clothed in human body and in every way in our likeness, deemed good to lead him to a wilderness before releasing him into his three and half year long ministry on earth, which was later continued at the right hand of the Father) and it looks like He leads the ones who are willing to follow Him all the way....the same route, all the way into and through the wilderness. The journey will continue, as although a generation died in the wilderness, His aim was always the Promised Land where life happened with everything He had planned for His people. And yes, there was life in the wilderness too. Mainly tests, though. But there was a journey and a movement. Even when the pillar of cloud leading them stopped and stayed in one place for longer, life still happened.
We tend to be so achievement and hence, motion oriented. So that the lack of it can be incapacitating, making us feel crippled to the core. As if nothing happens. But something always does. With God, if there is no horizontal movement, there is a perpendicular one. In my case, it is a season of a quiet contemplation, and a love affair - getting to know Him as He is, seeing better and clearer when emerging from the wilderness in the colours and likeness of His true bride. For it is the valleys where we get to know Him the best. The miracles, the tangible supernatural is where we see Him the best. Like Corrie Ten Boom, the Dutch minister who helped save many Jews from adversity and death, said, "Our problems are the material for His miracles!"
“He uses our problems for His miracles. This was my first lesson in learning to trust Him completely...”
― Corrie ten Boom, Tramp for the Lord
The wilderness time where nothing much seems to happen, and where there is a greater exposure to the adversary, the attacks, and the dangerous elements, is the test He applies to us, not to kill us there like the grumbling Israelites thought, but to teach us trust and reliance on Him and to empower us. Until we finally emerge from this season, adorned with new strength and power and in His likeness - prepared and ready to run - not on our own, but with His mission. The wilderness is our lithmus test. It is where our true nature and strength, what we are made of, really comes out. It took the Israelites 40 years, and the whole generation which was born in Egypt, did not make it out of it. It took Jesus 40 days. And when he emerged in the power of the Spirit, he was instantly met by rejection in his home town Nazareth.
Wilderness is a preparation time for the challenges ahead. Like David killed when shepherding his bear and his lion, we need our time of training to be able to withstand and stay together and continue when facing hindrances and challenges with people misunderstanding us, not recognising us, blaming us, accusing us, seeing us their way and not the way we are. Their sight is impaired, for they lack the full wilderness experience in their life, but this is where the vision gets its final finish, so that we see through the eyes of our spirit - the way God does - and feel by His heart, and follow that, and not just our emotions which will tell us to draw a line when faced by adversity and enmity and shake the dust off our feet....while God may call us further, to lay our life down and love the people with His redeeming love, which sees not trash, but beauty. Which gives another chance after we have been treated with abuse. Which looks higher, and sees not just the natural, but the supernatural and the spiritual behind it. Which does not fall into the trap of arguing and battling the flesh, but sees everything from raised, higher perspective and flies with that.
Last, but not least, as I started my post by mentioning my daughter. She had her friend over at the weekend. She was born a Jew. But she has been considering herself of no faith. They went and visited her church, as my daughter had decided to attend one here. It was not a perfect choice, but it was good for her. And there are many great things when it comes to her church and her pastor who is an evangelist and arranges every year a week of evangelism in a central Park in the city, and who gets the people saved and healed and delivered. Some who come from the street, first time at church, have been wheeled in a wheelchair, leaving pushing the wheelchair. They have people, missionaries, in Nepal and other places. This is true Christianity. And her atheist friend ended up looking around and wondering at the sight of empty chairs, asking where the majority of the people were. And when she was told that it was a nice sunny day and a bank holiday weekend and they were away, vacationing, she made a comment which had its impact on my child. Namely she told that if she would be a believer in a faith, then she would do it all the way. And this is exactly what God tells us in the Book of Revelation 3:15-16. Be whether hot or cold, but not lukewarm. Quoting Reinhard Bonnke: "The problem with our church is a temperature problem."
But as to me, I tried a local place, but God had told me to attend a weekend of meetings in West London, and healed me there, miraculously, without anyone laying their hands on me, Sovereignly. And I took it later as His sign of approval and direction too. As I needed a prophetic place, which it is. And as in the previous place, it was the Sovereign and the supernatural and the prophetic which had led me down. (And truly not, as I knew it to be something supernatural and authored by God, but a thing which may be of a supernatural origin shall still appear as a natural thing and can be easily seen and interpreted as such...and this is what Jesus was against after his wilderness experience, in his home town Nazareth which rejected him, and did not recognise him due to familiarity. And sometimes familiarity can cloud our vision, if we let it to.)
I knew and felt that I needed a prophetic church to thrive and yes, the church is not necessarily for our sake, to minister to us. We are for the sake of a church, to help build it. And I did build the local church here, in ways I could, as long as I could. But then supernatural happened, and it caused questions, and without answers people are apt to fill in the gaps. So the gaps were filled. But human mind is sometimes quick to draw its own conclusions, which may not necessarily be the true ones. We can see how the people to whom Jesus had been known since his early days drew their conclusions, by consulting their natural mind. And they ended up seeing him as a fake, and an impostor, and someone out to boast and someone who was seen as a wannabe who wanted to be better than they, and higher than they, who wanted to be someone else whom they did not see him to be. And so they cast him out, ready to get rid of his life. But he walked right through the crowd, and went his way. Now, do not think that I experienced similar (as I didn't - it was a wonderful church, and to my mind, still the best in the area, and God wanted to bless it and do something in it, and He still has not buried the plan, which has been in action, and which already surfaced for a while when He started to move at the prayer meetings, drawing near many people, first of all the youth who took the fire easily and were not hindered by any dogmas or old patterns of thought of how God was supposed to be and move).
But there was another, supernaturally birthed thing, which involved me personally, and which I knew to be of God as it had been an impossibility for me for about two decades. And, for He spoke before He did the impossible. And, as with the prophetic and the supernatural, it was interpreted via human lenses of understanding - and God had no problem, He had initiated it with a reason, for He had a plan - and still seems to have, and He is going to use all the bits to release what He wanted to, for it was always a part of His master plan for the place, sometimes He wants to bless us more than we are able and even willing to receive, and He is bigger than our natural sight and heart and understands it all, and does not consider our honest mistakes against us - and this is where we arrive to the meaning behind the wilderness - it teaches and trains us to rise higher and rely on God no matter what, and take Him at His face value, and see beyond the natural, into the spirit realm, and disregard the flesh and blood, and see the grand master plan of God instead; and sometimes we need to leave like Jesus did, as he was bound in his home town of Nazareth and could in no way bless the people who had rejected him - but misunderstandings and wanting to throw someone off the cliff to end his life are not exactly the same, although the former can have a certain effect of ministering death and doom and binding and hindering the progress, but God is so much bigger than any of that, and when He has a plan, He has taken it all into account.
Now wilderness serves the purpose of strengthening and empowering His chosen vessels, who can be anyone willing to follow Him wherever He takes them to, and whom He can use, knowing that they will see His people His way, and will not repay evil with evil, but are ready to lay down their lives, and who will not turn away and discard His people at the sight of the first inconvenience, or hindrance, but who will go as long as the road is there, and who will move when He tells them to move, and who will stay still when He tells them to, just for they have laid their lives down, and it means that they are dead to the human opinion, and not moved by it or the approval of men, or the lack of it - where the rejection and disapproval and misunderstandings come into play. It was not hard for Jesus to forgive the crowd when on the Cross, after all, He had come to save them, and now He had fulfilled His mission why He had been sent to them. And so, it is not hard for a battle-hardened believer whom God has trained and taught in the wilderness or in the pits of life, yes even for the sake of righteousness like it happened to Joseph.....to see beyond the flesh and blood and the natural, into the spirit realm, and feel about the people who might have not exactly welcomed the one sent by Him anything like a temptation to resort to any form of revenge or retaliation which is a fleshly response, and wilderness is where the flesh dies, and we learn to battle in spirit, by His Word, by spiritual means, this is where we kill our initial bear and the lion like David did in his training ground. And this is where we emerge empowered, and strengthened and ready to follow the lead of the Spirit. And wherever the Spirit leads, there the ones trained in the wilderness go.
Jeremiah 12:5 ► International Version
"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?
Song of Solomon 8:5a ► International Version
Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?
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Luke 4:1-14 New International Version (NIV)
Jesus Is Tested in the Wilderness
1 Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, 2 where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry.
3 The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.”
4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone.’”
5 The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6 And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7 If you worship me, it will all be yours.”
8 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.'”
9 The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. 10 For it is written:
“‘He will command his angels concerning you
to guard you carefully;
11 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
12 Jesus answered, “It is said: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
13 When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time.
14 Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside.
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Jesus Rejected at Nazareth
14 Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. 15 He was teaching in their synagogues, and everyone praised him.
16 He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up to read, 17 and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:
18 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
20 Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him. 21 He began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”
22 All spoke well of him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from his lips. “Isn’t this Joseph’s son?” they asked.
23 Jesus said to them, “Surely you will quote this proverb to me: ‘Physician, heal yourself!’ And you will tell me, ‘Do here in your hometown what we have heard that you did in Capernaum.’”
24 “Truly I tell you,” he continued, “no prophet is accepted in his hometown. 25 I assure you that there were many widows in Israel in Elijah’s time, when the sky was shut for three and a half years and there was a severe famine throughout the land. 26 Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them, but to a widow in Zarephath in the region of Sidon. 27 And there were many in Israel with leprosy in the time of Elisha the prophet, yet not one of them was cleansed—only Naaman the Syrian.”
28 All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this. 29 They got up, drove him out of the town, and took him to the brow of the hill on which the town was built, in order to throw him off the cliff. 30 But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way.
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