I have come to the crossroads, and the road where God invited me, has taken me to Chiswick Christian Centre.
Now, He spoke already at the beginning of September, 2012. He told me to go there, to attend a conference. I had heard about the place, but as God had asked me to stand for things He wanted to do here, I did accordingly. I had been struggling with my own desire to go to London, to KT IBIOL Bible School. I had heard something specific from God, and I thought it would have been a good way to keep my spirit up, until He was going to unfold the secret He had been talking to me about since November 92, when I heard His audible voice in Orlando, FL promising me to take me back there, and from there....to many nations.
This had always been something to propel me on. Until.....He unveiled His intent. And it was something so good, that I acted just like Sarah. I laughed at that. Not out of joy. But out of unbelief.
Yet, Sarah gave birth to the promise of God, Isaac.
I had wandered like her husband Abraham. I had told myself that so much time had passed since the promise was given, and surely God wanted me to be more active and take the things into my hands. So when the promise as if seemed to be on the horizon, and everything as if clicked in spirit realm, on the information level, I told myself that this must have been it. I entered into it with heavy heart, and well....out came an Ishmael.
It was as if in agreement with the promise of God, there was a vision where I was taken with another person. He knew the things known to me and God only, things I had been praying out in tongues and interpretation. Details, the names etc. And yet, God....was not in it. He even lived in the land He had mentioned in His promise to me. There was sudden influx of the supernatural. And I acted based on that. Although I felt so wretched that I wanted to run away from the altar. But I told myself that I was suspicious and it must have been what God had meant.
But He had warned. I saw my first ever open-eyed vision, while seated in the loo. Who would take now that seriously. But it was scary. And yet, I told myself that I was not walking in love, but in fear and suspicion, and went ahead.
It took me to a very wrong place. I lost my trust in the supernatural. In fact I lost everything imaginable. Apart from my life. And when we are alive, we can always rise and try once again. I was so severely disillusioned, that I told God that I did not know how He was going to convince me about the right thing, as seemingly everything had been tried. I had burned. I could no longer trust in anything which came out of the spirit.
I must have grieved Holy Spirit tremendously. I although spoke forth out of anguish and despair, when I told Him never to show anyone anything about me, and never to use anyone to speak anything prophetically over me, as I simply could not trust any of that. To top it I told that I could not trust in anything proceeding from my inside. I developed deep distrust in anything issuing forth from my own spirit.
Yet, Holy Spirit was not to be blamed. He had warned. And yes, there are times when to walk in love, and then there are times to heed to the warning. I had missed it there by trying to be a good Christian. Sometimes we attribute too much importance on the opinion of the others. Maybe for we know that good Christians appreciate the counsel of the multitude. But....in matters concerning you, God speaks to you personally. It has to do with your decision, and no matter what, your decision is always your responsibility.
I missed it there by allowing the opinion of the others to play too great a role.
But God....
Abraham - our father of faith - made his blooper. Ishmael. The work of a flesh. Yet, it did not hinder God. Abraham received his promised Isaac.
Sarah laughed at the promise of God. She thought it was ridiculous. When admonished, she was eager to deny it. But God knew her heart. She was infected by unbelief. Yet, it was not too big a hindrance for God to use the same woman to birth the promised Isaac. Sarah ended up as a hero of faith.
So, if you have blown it, you are in a good company. Your mistake may seem big enough to cloud the future for you. But worry not, for God it is no problem. He is bigger than that, and being outside time and space, He has seen it all coming....and His plan is big enough to accommodate all that. Yes, all our failures and wrong steps. No matter how big the failure, you cannot "outfail" God. Your ability to fail and blow it isn't bigger than His ability to make it!
His grace sustains us at the times when we lift our hands in surrender. In fact He would like us to capitulate, so He can finally have a say and do what He wants to do. As far as we try to "help Him" we end up as Uzzah who tried to do what he was not supposed to do. And as we know, all flesh dies when exposed to the glory. That's why the times in His Presence are so important. They keep our flesh in the place where it is supposed to be - dead. At a place of Romans 6:8 ► Now we have died with Christ.
You do not have to strive to be good. Or strive to make your flesh good in any way, to put it better. We are good, for the heart within us has been created to be good. We live now our life from inside out, not vice versa. Our goodness stems from the Spirit and life of Christ residing within us. Just like a fruit tree does not have to birth and go through pangs of delivery to bring forth fruit, the life in us has transformed us. The Spirit we received, came with all He is and has. With all the life begetting fruit, and gifts, and power. With Him we have received everything we need for life and godliness. 2 Peter 1:3.
Yes, He does His deep work within us, as we choose to submit ourselves under His mighty hand. But He accepts us in Christ, the Beloved, from Day One.
He sees us as perfect in Christ. All He is, you are today. And all He has, you are entitled to. You have received an inheritance.
Ephesians 1:11-14 (ESV)
11 In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will.
Abraham received his inheritance. He had to wait long for the promise of God, but he made it there. He stumbled, and downright crawled on. But he did not let his mistakes daunt him. He rose and went on, and made it there.
And also Sarah, the one who found the promise of God so ridiculous, also she received her God-given portion.
It comes by grace, and not by our great striving or good deeds. Salvation is free. And everything it contains comes as a gift of God. Unmerited. This couple definitely did not deserve it. Neither do we. Knowing that, what would give us the right to point our finger at any accusingly or disparagingly, considering anyone less or lower than us. Do we know their story? Do we know their brokenness and misfortune, or disillusionment and despair, or defense mechanisms. What took them to the place of such loss. Then guard your own heart and life, as you too stand only by the grace of God. It is only the grace of God upholding us. Jesus prayed for Peter. Peter was passionate, but as Jesus had seen and foretold, at his dark moment, he denied the Lord. Even three times. By cursing. Yet, Jesus knew even the heart of Judas. And He still chose him, and loved him the way He loved every other. Although He knew the end from the beginning. He knew Judas was going to betray Him. But He did not treat him any different. He accepted him till the end.
Now, the teaching of fatality would say that Judas had a God-given mission. And he could not help. He could. But God sees the end from the beginning. He sees our choices and where we end up. We can trust His wisdom and knowledge when He chooses to reveal a bit of it to us. I had hard time with believing, once I had hit the ground with a loud thump. But irrespective of the way the enemy used the prophesy to impact me in all the wrong ways, and finally act by condemnation, the decision to do so was still mine. When we stand before God, then all such excuses fall away. Then we can't tell Him that we could not follow Him, and do His will on the earth, just for this or that person did not allow us to. No one can bind us, no human opinion can hold us back, unless we allow them to and give them the power over us. By so doing we have although created an idol.
An idol is anything that has taken hold of your mind and eventually life, and started to dictate whether your path or happiness. A child, a parent, a husband or wife, or anyone whose opinion is elevated above the one of God's can act as an idol. Worry is an idol just the same. By so doing we give the thought a preeminence, allowing it to impact our decisions. What I decide to think or do, is solely in my hands. And if I allow any to impact my decisions, it is still mine to decide.
In such case I have given the keys to my life to someone else, instead of God.
So, the decision is yours. The keys to your own happiness are truly in your hands. What or whom you allow to impact you is still up to you to decide. Choose wisely. Choose God. And you shall not miss it. And even if you do, then He shall lift you up again, strengthen you and see to it that you will end up at the right place, by the right time.
Now we are free to take this or that turn. But all ways are not beneficial for us. He would like to spare us from unnecessary heartache, destruction and loss. Heed to His voice today. Heed to His warnings. And be open to His leading. Dare to follow, and dare to trust.
He built me up again from the ashes where I ended up, after being burnt. He restored my trust. He can. He set me on the Rock, standing again and restored the song in my heart and my mouth. When Israel was in captivity, they hung their harps to the willows. Psalm 137:2. But the cure against the spirit of heaviness is namely the garment of praise.
Isaiah 61:3.
King James Bible
To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He might be glorified.
Lift then your head, and behold the King of Glory coming in. He shall turn all things to good again.
Psalm 24:7-10 ►
New International Version
Lift up your heads, you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this King of glory? The LORD Almighty-- He is the King of glory.
1 Samuel 2:8-9 ►
New International Version
He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; He seats them with princes and has them inherit a throne of honor. "For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's; on them He has set the world. He will guard the feet of his faithful servants, but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness. "It is not by strength that one prevails; those who oppose the LORD will be broken. The Most High will thunder from heaven; the LORD will judge the ends of the earth. "He will give strength to His king and exalt the horn of His anointed."
Your hour shall surely come. Even if it has taken long to obtain the promise, faint not. Wait on His timing, in bold belief, that the One who has promised, is faithful and just and true to ALL His promises. The Word which He has uttered, He shall not take back or change. He shall watch over His Word to perform it. Jeremiah 1:12. Always remember the wayward prophet Jonah. He did not even want to go in the God-given direction...but God had ways to get him there. Now, how much more you, if you are willing and obedient.
Isaiah 1:19 ►
New International Version
If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the good things of the land.
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